Keke Palmer, Rihanna, & the TRUTH About Women Dating Down

Because I want Keke, and all women, to find love that's safe in all ways, always.

I keep thinking about Keke Palmer’s recent conversation with Bevy Smith on Sirius XM. She brought up the persistent stigma surrounding successful, high-earning women who date men with less financial and social capital. Her take wasn’t fearmongering, but it sparked something deeper for me—especially the way it brushed up against old narratives, lived experience, and the balance we all try to strike when dating across class lines.

To be clear, this isn’t about demonizing men who earn less. It’s about being cautious. Because dating “down” is rarely just about income—it’s about power, values, and the sometimes-invisible cost of choosing love over alignment.

The idea that men should be the financial providers is ancient, but it hasn’t disappeared. Many still cling to that expectation, whether they say it out loud or not. And when men don’t uphold that role, they’re sometimes labeled as opportunists or “male gold diggers”. So we’re left stuck between two extremes: provider or predator. In both scenarios, women are expected to prove the relationship is real. It’s an exhausting old tale!

But the issue goes deeper than money. “Dating down” is about socioeconomic status—a web that includes education, upbringing, values, exposure, and cultural capital. When two people live on opposite sides of that web, the differences can’t be ignored. It’s not just about finances—it’s about worldview. And in those gaps, jealousy, resentment, manipulation, and emotional abuse often thrive!

So, I keep circling back to Keke’s position. Why is she so set on challenging this stigma? Even Steve Harvey pushed back on her beliefs, which makes her insistence feels personal. Maybe it is.

Keke’s been surrounded by money and fame since childhood. I wonder if the men closest to her level have caused the most harm. The Trey Songz incident comes to mind—she spoke out about being sexually violated. That kind of betrayal and harm can color your view of powerful men indefinitely; it makes sense she might reject the entire tier.

But here’s where things get tricky: operating in extremes is a defense mechanism, not a solution.

I’ve been there too…just from the other end. My worst dating experiences were with men who earned far less than I did. After that, I wanted to swing in the opposite direction: only date men who “had it all,” thinking that would guarantee safety. But ladies, fear-based decisions aren’t clarity. Instead of refining our standards, we build shields.

The truth? ALL rich men aren’t evil. ALL broke men aren’t loving. ALL women, especially those with something to lose, have to sharpen their discernment.

Can relationships with female financial providers work? Sometimes—but only under the right conditions. If two people grew together, built together, and evolved together, it can work. Keke brought up Oprah and Stedman—but Stedman was already a successful businessman when they met. He wasn’t clinging to her rise—he had his own. That’s not dating down…that’s alignment!

So while I understand Keke’s desire to challenge the norm, her logic feels extreme. Wanting a kind, grounded man who supports your shine? Absolutely. But when the man is so far removed from your world, values, or lifestyle, it stops being romantic. It becomes isolating.

That’s why Rihanna and A$AP Rocky make sense. Sure, she’s a billionaire and he’s not. But he’s not making $40K working retail. He’s still successful, stylish, respected—and he fits her world! Their income gap doesn’t create a power imbalance because they align in culture, confidence, and visibility. He complements her; he doesn’t compete.

Keke’s ex, on the other hand, seemed mismatched across every meaningful dimension: financially, socially, professionally, energetically. That’s the danger of romanticizing “dating down” without considering the full picture. You can’t build a stable castle with someone who doesn’t even recognize the blueprint.

Keke—and all women—deserve to feel safe in every sense: emotionally, physically, spiritually, and yes, financially. Not because of a man’s bank account, but because of mutual respect and aligned values.

Not a relationship built on extremes—just trust.

And that kind of love? Priceless.

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Ladies, let’s avoid swinging to extremes with some reflection, shall we:

• What do I believe about wealthy men—how did those beliefs develop?

• Am I unconsciously punishing men with money due to my experiences?

• What scares me about dating someone at or above my level—financially, socially, emotionally?

• Do I associate being the higher earner with control, or with safety?

I’d love to hear your comments/responses to some of these questions, let’s chat!!