...And You Say Chi City

There are 2,590,002 people in Chicago, and approximately 48% of women and 52% of men are not married or in a committed relationship.

It’s just past 5pm on a Thursday and there’s no escaping the honking and blaring noises of traffic in the city. Lake Shore Drive is jam packed with commuters, Michigan Avenue is full of uppity professionals strutting in designer business casual attire, and somewhere in the West Loop the late 20’s and early 30s-somethings are meeting up for half priced burgers and beers to lightly celebrate getting through another work week. After an appetizer and a couple Tequila Sunrises, the breeze from the rooftop is comforting and the view is captivating…and just like that, I begin to fall in love with the city all over again.

Welcome to Chicago. A city where its residents love the food, love the culture, but apparently struggle with loving each other. There are 2,590,002 people in Chicago, and approximately 48% of women and 52% of men are not married or in a committed relationship. When considering race, there are approximately 465,000 Black women living in Chicago and a whopping 33% of them are single. That’s 148,500 unmarried beautiful Black women being left to their own devices of love and pleasure. For African American men, the number is even more staggering, as there are approximately 211,000 single Black men living in Chicago.

As I reflect on these findings, I find them hard to believe, considering the many women and men I see on my casual strolls everyday — subtle singles searching to fulfill their desire for companionship. And if everyone is looking for Love, why hasn’t Love been found yet?

I frequently wonder if there was ever a time when love embraced Chicagoans? As I searched for numbers, I remembered a conversation I had with my friend whom I’ll refer to as “G”. “G” spoke about how hard it must have been for Black couples to find and create love in the 1900s and the decades prior. She spoke about silent marriages and Black people being forced to hide their love to avoid death. While I thought about what this meant for my community today, I began to search for and uncover data meant to help assess the situation.

Unfortunately, my hypothesis was confirmed: African American marriage rates in Chicago have been on the decline since the late 1960s, with projections to steadily decline in the future.

As I sat on my white leather couch pouring over the numbers, I was met with hope.

I felt as if I was having an “aha” moment…as if I had found the key to a resurgence of love in society.

My take? Unhealthy representations of love in the media (i.e. movies, music, television shows, social media, magazines/publications, etc.) mirrors my findings on marriage decline in Chicago. I never imagined becoming a relationships anthropologist, yet there I was with a developing theory that an increase in negative representations of love in the media has negatively impacted the state of romantic relationships today. It seems that as society continued to make advancements in technology (i.e. social networking apps and dating apps, cell phones, quick turnover reality TV, internet, less television networks for minority scripted tv, less representation in the writers room, etc.) thoughtful depictions of love were erased; we went from seeing healthy, happy-Black couples on screen like Martin and Gina to downright toxic tales like the infamous Tara, Amina, and Peter Gunz LHH love triangle.

Could it really be a coincidence then, that the decline in media portrayals coincide with the real-world decline in healthy expressions of love?

After feeling plagued with a ton of unanswered questions, I settled on this pressing statement that ran rampant through my mind like a wild horse: I want to change the way we view relationships and help people, especially Black people in Chicago, to create the love they truly desire…to create the love that we all truly desire and deserve.

This city. Chicago. Home of the Hoagy, home of the ‘95-96 Bulls, and home of the hopeless romantics. As a single, Black, 30-somethings woman living in Chicago, my heart lies with the people; I understand far too well the difficulties of navigating the nuisances and complexities of dating and relationships from personal experiences and observations. In the words of James Baldwin, “Love has never been a popular movement.” Baldwin was right in his sentiments, but like the curious contrarian that I tend to be, I have a thirst to prove his statement wrong…and I’m going to start in this city.

Dearest Chicago. Since birth you have loved me, and I have given love back. You have given me community, you have given me creativity, and most importantly you have given me culture. As my token of appreciation, I am giving you the gift of love and healthy relationships. I feel hopeful that you will take this ride with me as I journey throughout your communities documenting and showcasing what real love looks like. I feel hopeful that my combination of literacy, media, and clinical skills will prove to be the missing key to progression in the relationships in this city. Lastly, I feel hopeful that Love is still a language that we Chicagoans collectively understand, and I know that understanding is a crucial component of change. I know that if there was ever a time to bring that beloved L-word back to this city, the time is Now.

Sincerely and optimistically,

This is

The “El”-Word